Every one of us will inevitably have difficulties and challenges as we go through life: we will fail tests, not make a team, not pass interviews, have a sick friend or family member, will get sick ourselves. As we face life challenges we may find ourselves feeling sad, angry, tense, or anxious, comforted by others and feeling cared for and supported and maybe even proud of how we have faced or bounced back from the challenge.
Resilience is the ability to deal with life’s challenges and misfortunes. Is it something you’re born with, or can it be learned and enhanced? A lot of our resilience is learned from those around us, our experiences and the attitudes and beliefs we develop as we grow up. However, along with resilience, another way that is often easier to navigate stressors in healthy and productive ways is self-care — practices that promote mind and body wellness — that is so important.
As self-care is not a one-size-fits-all checklist, it is always best know what works for you. To get some insight, P. Jeremy Dew, a licensed professional counsellor and clinical director of The Oakwood Collaborative in College Station, Texas shares his views.
“It’s important to think about the needs currently going unmet and the self-care that is uniquely fit to meet those needs,” he says.
A solid self-care checklist will reflect your specific needs, habits, and time considerations. It might take a little effort to develop, but you’ll probably find this investment entirely worth it in the long run.
A few things to ask yourself throughout the process
As you get into the specifics of self-care, use these questions to help keep your plan workable and relevant to your needs.
Do I see myself using this approach?
Do finances factor in?
Am I trying to do too much?
Do I have the time?
What’s worked in the past?
Do I have the time?
What’s worked in the past?
As you begin to identify key moments and actions that helped you find peace before, explore ways to incorporate them into your present life.
Start by taking stock of your physical needs
Physical self-care needs include the things that help keep your body functioning well. When considering physical self-care, identify the needs you have, and note any steps you currently take to meet those needs. If you notice any areas where you’d like to make changes, emphasize these in your self-care plan.
Sleep
Healthcare
Nutrition
Exercise
Physical intimacy
Stress reduction
Boundaries
Therapy
Personal growth
Take breaks
Don’t forget emotional needs Feelings and emotions can provide clues about what’s missing in your life. Emotional self-care revolves around getting in touch with your feelings, learning to understand what they have to say, and using this information to better protect emotional health.
Mindful Awareness
It’s tough to let your emotions guide you when you don’t know what they mean. Make it a goal to spend more time sitting with your feelings, since this makes it easier to acknowledge emotional needs and recognize when they go unmet. If you have trouble connecting with your feelings, meditation or journaling might be great additions to your self-care plan. Sharing your feelings with people you trust can help, too.
Companionship
Most people need to spend some time interacting with others in meaningful ways, though specific needs for social interaction can depend on personality and other factors. If you often feel lonely, you might need to spend more time connecting. If you often feel overwhelmed, even irritable, around people, consider making alone time a bigger priority. You can fulfil socialization needs by spending time with friends and loved ones but branching out and making new connections in your community can also have benefit. Your emotional state can guide you to the type of interaction you need in any given moment.
Affection
Most of us want to know (and be reminded) that other people love us.
Affection might involve spoken words, kind gestures, or physical touch. Lacking this type of emotional support can trigger feelings of isolation, even anxious or depressed thoughts.
It’s not always easy to get the affection you need, especially if you don’t have many friends, are between relationships, or don’t have interest in dating. If you need more affection in your life, consider a pet. Not only do they provide affection and companionship, but they also sometimes help with other self-care needs, such as exercise and getting outside.
Personal time Everyone needs time to unwind on their own. This could mean:
Taking a personal day from work when feeling disengaged
Creating private space for yourself at home
Making time for your favourite hobby
However, you choose to spend your time, private relaxation is essential for emotional health, so alone time in some form should show up in every self-care plan.
Putting it all together Self-discovery plays an important role in self-care. Learning more about your specific needs makes it possible to find more productive ways to take care of yourself. Once you’ve identified your personal needs, you can start to create a list of daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly needs. Keep in mind that self-care needs often change over time, particularly when considering what’s happening in the world. A self-care plan developed during COVID-19 stay-home orders or Black Lives Matter activism, for example, might reflect specific feelings and conscious behaviour changes you may not have considered before.
When you struggle in certain areas, explore the potential barriers keeping you from meeting those needs. A therapist can always offer guidance and support here, too.
If sticking to your plan proves challenging, visual reminders could help. You might try:
A wall chart
A self-care planner or journal
Reminders on your smartphone
Self-care needs vary a lot from person to person, and this guide isn’t exhaustive.
As you evaluate your personal needs, you’ll probably discover some other important considerations along the way. Chances are, you’re already taking some effective steps to meet your needs. When you feel at your best, pay attention, and note what you’re doing, consciously or unconsciously, to support your wellness. Sometimes, self-care is as simple as doing more of that. Just remember, at the end of the day, you know what’s best for you.
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