Whether you are just beginning a blended family, or have been in one for a while, you know that there are many difficult adjustments that both parents and children must go through. Oftentimes stepparents have a hard time understanding their stepchildren and how to reach out to them. They may become frustrated when their expectations of a loving family aren’t met. However, there are practical ways for stepparents on attempting to build a positive relationship with their stepchildren.
Building a strong relationship with your stepchildren can be a bit like walking a tightrope. You need to find a balance between being another authority figure and being a friend.
Here are a few tips to help you build that strong relationship:
1. Take Your Time
Give yourself time to develop a workable relationship. Love and care take time to develop. Some research suggests that children under the age of five will bond with a stepparent within one to two years; however, older children, teenagers, may take as many years as they are old when the remarriage takes place. Don’t expect that you or your stepchildren will magically cherish all your time together. Stepchildren often feel confused about new family relationships, feeling both welcoming and resentful of the changes new people bring to their life. So, give them space and time to work through their emotions.
2. Give Them Some Space
Allow them to go on outings alone together or have special time together at home. This doesn’t mean you have to fade away into the background, but it does show the child that she is still important to her parent.
3. Be Supportive
Recognize the importance of your stepchildren’s relationship with the “other” parent. Do not seek to replace them, but rather focus on creating a new relationship with your stepchildren. And be sure to be yourself.
4. Build a Friendship
It isn’t unusual for a stepparent to accept the role of being a friend to his stepchild. So be patient and take it slow — building a strong foundation based on friendship is the first step to gaining a stepchild’s trust. Relationships take time to build, and this relationship is no different.
5. Share Their Enthusiasm
Take an interest in your stepchild’s hobbies and passions. If he enjoys art, ask if you can see some of his work. If he plays guitar, ask him how long he’s been playing and what his favourite song is to play. Make sure you are sincere, though. Kids are smart enough to know if you are just patronizing them.
6. Be a Family
Treat him like he belongs. That means he is entitled to his own personal space and time to himself. Discuss what the child’s normal responsibilities were at home before you were together and figure out how to incorporate something similar. If you expect him to do his own laundry and he has never turned on a washing machine, you might run into problems.
7. Leave the Discipline to the Biological Parent
It’s a good idea to set up a list of house rules and consequences together, but let the biological parent lead the discussion with the child. Establish the consequences that will follow certain behaviours and make it clear that this is the case even if the biological parent isn’t home.
8. Laugh a Lot
Have a sense of humour, even if it isn’t always fun or funny. Don’t think that you must create a perfect little life for your new family. Things will happen, and not everything will run smoothly all the time. Sources:
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