Millennials are the latest generation to reach that life stage when you realise that your ageing parents may now well need ‘roll-up your sleeves’ support from you. It’s a disconcerting turning of the tables, and it comes along with a mix of emotions and stresses. The fact that our parents are elderly and more vulnerable can worry us, frustrate us, and make us feel deeply sad. We may feel helplessness and guilt if we’re not able to do more for them because of our already demanding lives. This is not an easy part of ‘adulting’.
There are two things that help adult children support their ageing parents effectively. The first, is to educate yourself about the unique landscape of your ageing parents. This takes into account a full understanding of the impact of their age on their physical health and emotional well-being as well as their financial capabilities, level of home security and transportation needs. You want to have an objective, clear view of their situation so that you don’t act off your assumptions. The second, is to access tools, services, and solutions that you can deploy to help you to support them as best you can while preventing the responsibilities of parental care from overwhelming you and derailing your life. An example of a latest tech tool is Heritage Vault, a first-in-South Africa solution for organising and securing all important estate information, there’s no easier way to help collate all your parents’ important information
Rachelle Best, founder and CEO of Heritage Vault says,
“Families vary when it comes to their level of comfort about talking openly about their parents’ estate and end of life planning. All too often, this can be tender, or downright thorny ground. You may realise that you don’t know if your parents have an up-to-date, legal will or that you don’t have any idea of where to find their ID documents or the keys to their safe. You may not know what their funeral wishes are. Depending on your family norms, this may be hard to talk about. The beauty of using a digital Heritage Vault is that the process of populating it serves as a step-by-step guide to all the information needed to efficiently manage and resolve your parents’ estate. You will know exactly what information will be required and this will help to prompt conversations about things that don’t automatically spring to mind when it comes to estate and end of life planning.”
Ageing parents may want to avoid conversations about their estate plan and their end of life wishes due to fear of mortality or wanting to keep their finances and other personal matters private from their children, as they have done all their life. Some may not trust their children with their sensitive information. Others worry that discussing inheritance or end of life decisions could spark conflict between their children. There are also elderly people who may not be aware of the importance of estate planning or who choose to procrastinate when it comes to getting their affairs in order.
If you face roadblocks such as these, there are ways to navigate around them. At the outset, it is important to encourage and facilitate open, honest, and caring communications. You can make your parents aware that open communications now can avoid conflicts between family members after they have passed. However, you won’t convince a recalcitrant or hesitant parent of this if you are not authentically respectful of their autonomy, and their right to make the ultimate decisions over their lives and affairs.
It’s vital that you listen actively to your parents, make efforts to understand their points of view, demonstrate your respect for their concerns and wishes, act empathetically and genuinely help them to execute their wishes. Trying to pressure or persuade them that you know best for them will only cause conflicts and shut down communications. Without a doubt, adult children need to be patient with parents who are not comfortable having these kinds of vulnerable conversations. Open up the conversation, and then keep providing reassurances and demonstrations that you respect their autonomy and will abide by their choices. You may suggest involving a trusted advisor, such as their financial service provider or lawyer to help ensure that their estate planning is comprehensive and up to date, and their end of life wishes, such as Living Will documentation and burial requests, are clear to you and your siblings.
This is how a digital vault can help you to help your ageing parents
Best says,
“Heritage Vault enables your parents to sort and store all their important estate information in a high security digital vault, and then makes this accessible to their appointed confidants if they may die or become incapacitated. If necessary, you can help them to upload their documents and organise them in 13 easy to find categories. This includes everything an executor and loved one may need such lists of assets and liabilities, a copy of their Last Will and Testament and where to find the original, their instructions for the care of their beloved pets and much more.”
The benefits of setting up a Heritage Vault for your parents include:
· Centralised storage - for all your parents’ important information such as policies and legal documents, as well as their personalised end of life wishes. This helps you to keep track of their affairs and easily access this information when needed.
· Easy to update – with 13 clear data categories, you can help your parents keep their important information organised, accurate and current. In fact, it is so easy to use that your parents can update their vault themselves. This is important when it comes to financial statements, consumer accounts and policies that need to be updated periodically.
· Peace of mind – getting organised reduces anxiety and your parents can rest easier when they know that their affairs are in order and their wishes are clear to their loved ones. They will probably also take comfort in knowing that the clarity they have provided will help to avoid conflicts between loved ones after they have passed.
· The balance of security and accessibility – Heritage Vault achieves this by deploying latest European Union standard data security protocols and implementing an efficient access process for your parents’ trusted, appointed confidants in the event of their incapacitation or death.
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