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How to Support Your Child Emotionally So They Can Learn

When your child begins school, they are also starting a whole new phase of learning. Like many parents, you may be anxious about this transition or concerned about the quality of their education. And you may wonder what you can do to foster a love of learning that will stay with your child throughout their school years and beyond. Our understanding of how children learn best continues to grow. There's been a dramatic shift in recent years, as more and more experts agree that children's social and emotional health plays an essential part in academic success.

How to Support Your Child Emotionally So They Can Learn

Research shows that children who are taught social and emotional skills as preschoolers are less likely to have behavioral problems in kindergarten and grade school. And fewer behavioral problems means fewer obstacles in the way of learning. Here are important ways you can support your child emotionally, so she can get the most out of preschool and build a strong foundation for the years to come.


Encourage learning

  • Ask about your child's day at school. By recalling and sharing what they have learned, they will build on that knowledge while boosting their confidence and self-esteem. Ask specific questions to find out how they are doing at school, especially if your child isn't very forthcoming. Instead of asking, "What did you do today?" ask questions like, "What activity did you do at circle time today?" or "What story did you hear?"

  • Practice patience. As your child learns new skills, let them set the pace. This isn't always possible in school, so if you let them be more independent and in charge at home, they will bring more confidence to the classroom.

  • Applaud effort. Display their artwork and projects. But rather than saying, "You're so smart!" or "You're so talented!" give meaningful praise that recognizes the effort your child puts into his learning activities: "You were so patient gluing all those pieces together. It's an impressive project!" And rather than focusing on the result, ask about the process: "Was it hard to use that paintbrush?" or "Why did you choose those colors?

  • Make time to listen. When your child wants to tell you a story or share how they are feeling about something that happened at preschool, give them as much time and attention as you can. Showing that you respect their thoughts and feelings will boost their confidence and encourage them to keep talking with you as they get older.

  • Encourage and appreciate questions. You may tire of answering "Why?" every few minutes, but responding to their natural curiosity encourages them to keep asking questions as they pursue their interests throughout their life.

  • Express pride and delight. For your preschooler, seeing your face light up when they create something or tries a new challenge is wonderful encouragement.

  • Let your child be the teacher. Ever notice how teaching someone else reinforces your own knowledge? Young children typically love this kind of role-play, and it's a real confidence booster as well. It's also a great way for you to find out what your child is learning while giving them an opportunity to review things they have learned. Ask questions to help them build on what they already know and boosts their confidence.

  • Don't impose. Of course you can hook that toy train together faster than they can, but give them a chance to learn by trying it themselves and asking for help if they need it. And don't point out errors unless they want you to – for example, if they want to know whether they have found all the hidden animals in a puzzle.

  • Recognize and support your child's temperament and learning style. Some children focus better when they're quiet and still, while others need to get up and move. Do what you can at home to support whatever ways your child likes to learn, whether it's making up a song, acting something out, drawing pictures, or sitting in your lap looking at a book.


Be engaged with school

  • Help your child when they have difficulties in school. Take care not to blame your child if they are struggling at school. Statements such as, "You should know all your letters by now!" can make your child feel shamed, which can cause lasting psychological harm over time. Understand that your child is doing their best. If you're concerned that a social or emotional issue might be contributing to problems at school, talk to the teacher about what's going on and how you both can support your child.

  • Get involved in your child's preschool. Get to know their teachers and other faculty members. They have a good understanding of what's going well at school and what is challenging for your child. If you have the time, get involved in school projects or volunteer to join the class on field trips. Even if you work full time, there may be opportunities to prepare project materials at home or visit the classroom once in a while to read a story or celebrate a special occasion.


Build a supportive home environment

  • Recognize the importance of play. Both in school and at home, play is the "work" of early childhood. It's how your child learns to organize his thinking, solve problems, and practice skills. So make sure your child has plenty of free time to confront these new challenges through unstructured play.

  • Provide structure, rules, and routines. Consistency and predictability help your child know what to expect and lead to better behavior. Be as consistent as possible with routines around meals, bedtime, getting ready for school, and other daily activities. Help your school master self-care skills, like getting dressed, brushing their teeth, and preparing to leave for school. And make sure you're clear about family rules, such as "no hitting," or "teeth brushing comes before bedtime stories."

  • Identify and promote your values. Think about what principles are important to your family – and not just the ones that relate to academic achievement. Make sure that your values and expectations are clear, and that you reinforce them with your words and actions. In other words, if you want your child to be kind-hearted, praise kindness as much as achievement. (Be sure to practice what you preach!)

  • Teach empathy. Lack of empathy is at the root of many childhood problems, including cheating and bullying, as well as mental health issues like depression and anxiety. On the positive side, recent research shows that kids who are able to share and help others by the time they're in kindergarten are more likely to graduate from high school and more likely to be fully employed later in life.

  • Limit electronic media and use it wisely. Studies show that children who spend a lot of time in front of screens are more likely to get lower grades. Screen time takes away from activities that are essential for social and emotional development, such as playing, reading, and spending time interacting with family and friends. Carefully select programs, digital games, and apps that are appropriate for young children, and don't allow them to have long blocks of time in front of a screen.

  • Look for positive alternatives to punishment. Mistakes are an important part of learning, and the process of trial and error builds knowledge. Instead of correcting mistakes, suggest your child try again – and cheer them on until they get it right.

  • Encourage your child to experiment. When they want to rummage through the refrigerator to make a magic potion, your first thought will probably be about what a mess it will make. Consider letting them do it anyway to support their curiosity and creativity.


Adapted from: Baby Center


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