Are you having trouble getting in the mood or achieving orgasm? The solution might be as simple as knowing what you like in the bedroom
You might think sex and health are unrelated, but the two are intimately entwined. For one thing, the benefits of sex extend well beyond the bedroom. For example, studies have found that sex can improve heart health. And some research shows that regular sex boosts immunity and even reduces pain. A satisfying sex life also plays a role in a person’s mental wellness. For women in committed relationships, good sex can also be important for creating an intimate connection that’s crucial for a healthy relationship. But if you’re not always in the mood, you’re not alone. Many women have fluctuating sex drives. This can be caused by everything from stress to the hormonal shifts of menopause and even too much wine with dinner. A satisfying sex life requires both your body and your mind to be in a good place.
If you’ve decided you’re done with sex, nothing needs to change. But if you're looking for greater sexual satisfaction, your next step might be to figure out why you’re not interested and seek professional help. Professionals can include a sex educator who offers general education and tools, or a sex therapist, who is a licensed mental health professional. Pelvic floor physical therapists can help with many physical issues related to intercourse. And while you may not want to bring up sexual concerns with your medical provider, some problems can be helped with medication. Be aware, though, that many primary care physicians aren’t well equipped to discuss sexual issues with their female patients because of their lack of training, according to research published. So how can you break through intimacy barriers and create more heat between the sheets? Read on to find out what women need to feel happy and healthy in their sex lives.
A Body That’s as Healthy as It Can Be
Fully half of sexually active midlife women report symptoms of sexual dysfunction, according to a study published. One key reason is vaginal dryness — which typically accompanies the menopause transition, officially known as a genitourinary syndrome of menopause. Treating that makes a big difference. Vaginal dryness can often be improved with personal lubricants and moisturizers or even topical vaginal estrogen. Many other parts of the body also play a role when you’re having sex. Sexual arousal and pleasure are dependent on healthy blood flow and healthy nerves to the genitals and everywhere. Pelvic pain and irritated skin are other obstacles to enjoyable sex. And some medications, such as antidepressants, can dampen libido, researchers have found.
Awareness of What You Like and Dislike in the Bedroom
To enjoy yourself in bed you need to know what turns you on — and off. If you don’t know what you like and want, your partner will never know how to be the best lover. Sure, they can guess, but that’s hit or miss. Take care to communicate this information nicely but clearly. This can be done during sex or in a conversation you bring up outside the bedroom. Bring it up when you feel clear about your desires. This changes all the time, based on aging, hormones, health status, and the like. It is encouraged that women stay curious and explore their bodies through masturbation.
An Ability to Focus on the Moment and Tune Out the Noise
With our high-stress lifestyles, it’s no surprise that we get distracted. But especially for women, it’s important to focus on staying in the moment. You want to be relaxed and put aside any worries you have about work or what you need to check off on your to-do list, so you can experience full arousal and orgasm. Women who have experienced sexual trauma or who have anxiety or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may find it especially challenging to shut out unhelpful thoughts. Mindfulness practices are a great way to enhance your focusing ability, a notion supported by science. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Research found that women reported significant improvements in sexual desire, overall sexual function, and a reduction in sex-related distress after an eight-session mindfulness program. Another study, published found that women who meditated scored higher on measures of sexual function and desire. Some experts recommend fantasizing during sex as a way to focus and get into a deeper state of arousal.
A Positive Body Image and Sexual Self-Confidence
If a woman doesn't feel good about her body, it may be harder for her to enjoy sex. A study published found that body image, including weight concern, physical condition, sexual attractiveness, and thoughts about the body during sexual activity, predict sexual satisfaction in women. The findings suggest that women who experience low sexual satisfaction may benefit from treatments that target these specific aspects of body image. It’s important to learn to love your body as it is — to see yourself as sexually attractive and worthy of pleasure. Women are trained by society to think only those who look like models or celebrities are attractive, but their sexual partner likely has other ideas, she says, describing one man who wasn’t turned on by rock-hard abs but by his partner’s soft, round belly. One way to feel better about yourself is to increase your level of energy. Exercise frequency and enhanced attractiveness and increased energy, both of which make people feel better about themselves. As a bonus, those who feel better about themselves may perceive themselves as more sexually desirable and may perform better sexually.
Trust and Emotional Security in Your Relationship
It's hard to have a carefree romp if you feel disconnected from your significant other or worried about your partner's fidelity. You can’t be vulnerable if you don’t trust the person. Sometimes that means deciding your partner doesn’t deserve your trust and you should end the relationship. In other cases, you might benefit from a frank conversation about why you don’t feel safe or decide to go to couples therapy. If a person has trauma in their history, for example, telling a partner, When you do this I don’t feel safe, might make them realize your needs may be different from those of others. Especially with a new partner, that sense of security likely also involves confidence that the person does not have a sexually transmitted infection (STI).
No one likes the uncomfortable question, When was the last time you were tested for …? or a discussion about previous partners or birth control, but these questions are important. And by being up-front about your own history and disease status, your partner will feel more comfortable, too.
The Right Products so That Sex Is More Enjoyable
Women with vaginal dryness often benefit from a lubricant during sex with a partner or solo. Select a brand that doesn’t contain glycerin or chemicals you can’t pronounce. Do note that oil-based lubricants should not be used with latex condoms. Women also should care enough about their pleasure to find a vibrator they like. There are well crafted tools to help you get what you want out of your sex life. These toys give us delight and physical pleasure.
Adapted from: Everyday Health
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