Self-care isn't selfish, it's self-preservation, and if we want women to feel their best and show up fully at work, we need to do better
Have you seen the meme of the person slowly sinking under the water with their hand outstretched for help as a bystander looks on? If you have, you know that instead of helping her, the supposed savior just high-fives her hand as she goes under the water. That’s pretty much the perfect embodiment of how women feel when we reach out for help. We get a high-five and a little pat on the back as if that small measure of encouragement can magically save us.
What’s pulling us down? Everything. Work, life, family and all that lies in between.
The truth is women are burned out. Shocking, we know. But for whatever reason, too many of us are afraid to admit it’s all just too much. Too many meetings, soccer games and school projects.
Too many work trips, late nights and take-out meals. We are carrying too much – on our shoulders and in our minds. Recent data show that half of employed women say they are feeling burnout at work, with younger women most likely to report burnout. As a society, we ask women to slice and dice their time and well-being to satisfy everything and everyone around them. Unfortunately, what’s left over for self-care are a few crumbs, or in my case, a lukewarm cup of coffee I have microwaved at least three times. This might seem like an exaggeration to make a point, and maybe it is for some, but we need to do better – and we can start by creating a workplace that really works for us.
We can create workplaces that work for women
For example, in the same survey, women prioritize employer programs designed to combat burnout, reporting that flexible work hours and paid leave programs are most important. While 68% of women nationwide think child care services are important, only 21% said their employers offered this program. When it comes to mental health resources, 84% of women say it’s important that their employer offers them, but only 41% report receiving benefits of this kind.
It’s time employers stepped up to care for the whole person – the whole woman. While comprehensive benefits and wellness resources are critically important, women also need the time and encouragement to use them. That’s why so much of what we need to change to make space for well-being at work comes down to leaders and how they set the example and model behaviors that signal being human is welcome and valued. In a study conducted, 69% of people surveyed said their managers impact their mental health just as much as a spouse or partner would – and more than a doctor or therapist would. At the risk of sounding cliche, real change starts with each of us. So whether you’re just starting out in your professional career or have the privilege of leading a team, here are my top tips for combating burnout and leveling up support.
You can do anything, but not everything
I will be the first to say that
"work-life balance"
is best-selling fiction that has been sold to working women for decades. Work and life should fit together because they are fundamentally connected. This is why it’s so important to create clear and loud boundaries at work and at home and practice relentless prioritization to ensure you are focused on the right task at the right time. If you have a deadline, get to work and skip the side helping of guilt. If you need to take a break, unplug and truly disconnect.
If you need any sort of checkup, don’t skimp on your preventative care and make those appointments. If you need to create a last-minute class costume for your child, get that glue gun. You can do it all – just not all at once.
Create a deep bench of support
There is this great Brené Brown quote,
“We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.”
No woman navigates her career on her own. You need people who can help you see and believe what’s possible so that you have the strength to tap into your full potential. It’s important to remember that the women who are shattering ceilings, busting down barriers and causing all the right kind of ruckus – they didn’t do it alone. They had sponsors, allies and mentors who helped them along the way.
Put yourself first
This piece of advice goes out to the women who are first to rise and the last ones to turn off their lights at night (you know who you are): Put yourself first. There is too much guilt around the most basic and foundational well-being practices, and you don’t have to make huge changes or big lifts. Start small and manageable. For example, I decided at the start of the year to meditate for a few minutes every day and create more white space in my calendar to breathe. You don’t need permission, and guilt is not welcome – just take the first step and give yourself the grace to try (and try again).
Lean in to lift up
You can’t fake caring – you need to be a real ally to build trust and safety. This is especially important if you are a manager. Ask your colleagues what they need in terms of support and demonstrate your openness to learn, grow and change. Talk about well-being with your team members – both as a group and as individuals – and share your approach to self-care. Navigating burnout isn’t easy, but it’s essential to ensure that women can live well and be well in all aspects of our lives. We don’t have to settle for carrying too much and shouldering too much, and we don’t need permission to prioritize ourselves. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s self-preservation, and if we want women to feel their best and show up fully at work, we need to do better.
Women are too important to let them burn out.
Adapted from: USA Today
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